Bridling Anger – (Ephesians 4:26)

Ephesians 4:26,27

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26–27)

Like everything else, anger too has the potential to be either righteous or unrighteous.

About 2,000 years ago, Aristotle said:

“Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not easy.”

God’s Word commands us to be angry without sinning, but is this even possible? How can we be angry without sinning, and how can we master our anger?

I. RIGHTEOUS ANGER

We must not forget that not every kind of anger is unrighteous. In the Bible we read that God becomes angry — He is angry when His holiness has been violated, when His children have been hurt or wronged, when His name and His justice have been assaulted.

God is angry without sinning (Psalm 7:11).

God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day. (Psalm 7:11)

The character of God was perfectly displayed in the life of Jesus Christ. And in the New Testament we see that He too became angry. One example of this is the cleansing of the temple (John 2:13–17).

13 When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” 17 His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume me.” (John 2:13–17)

In Mark 3:1–5 as well, it says explicitly that Jesus became angry.

1 Another time Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. 2 Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone.” 4 Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. 5 He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. (Mark 3:1–5)

These examples from the life of Jesus show us that anger in itself is not something bad or sinful. What makes it sinful are our motives and the loss of control over it.

The capacity to be angry is proof that we were created in the image of God. It is a good gift that gives us the ability to be imitators of God.

Anger can be a positive emotion. It can be a good thing if it fulfills the purpose God gave it. That is why Scripture commands us: “In your anger…” — be angry!

II. UNRIGHTEOUS ANGER

But we must also know that most of what the Bible says about anger falls into the category of warnings and rebukes, because uncontrolled and unrestrained anger can lead to every kind of ruin and pain. That is why, in Ephesians 4:27, the Holy Spirit commands us:

“Do not give the devil a foothold!” (Ephesians 4:27)

The devil loves to lurk around angry people, hoping he will manage to exploit the situation by prompting them toward hatred, violence, or division.

1. The seriousness of the problem

We must never underestimate the seriousness and magnitude of the problem of anger and malice, and their consequences.

i. Malice and anger are a problem of our own character

The malice, envy, and hatred that give rise to unrighteous anger are an inheritance from our sinful past (Titus 3:3).

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. (Titus 3:3)

Envy, hatred, discord, fits of rage, dissensions, and factions are “acts of the flesh,” of our old, unregenerate, sinful nature (Galatians 5:19–21).

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19–21)

When we speak of the acts of the flesh, we most often think of sexual immorality and drunkenness. But anger too, and the passions that provoke it, fall into the same category.

ii. Bitterness, malice, and anger are also a family problem

In Colossians 3:19, the apostle Paul writes:

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19)

iii. Malice and anger are also a problem of the local church (2 Corinthians 12:20)

For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder. (2 Corinthians 12:20)

The Corinthian church was marked by internal strife and division. Things had gone so far that they were taking one another to court (1 Corinthians 6:1–11). Anger and malice produce disunity and disharmony, and in this way they tear apart the church, its unity, and its ministry. It is impossible to have unity in a church that is full of bitterness, anger, malice, and slander. We cannot worship God while we hold something against one another. In 1 Timothy 2:8, the apostle Paul instructs:

Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. (1 Timothy 2:8)

In Matthew 5:23–24, Jesus Himself said that worshiping God with anger in the heart is absolutely unacceptable to God.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23–24)

After everything said so far — after we have seen what a problem anger is in our personal lives, in the family, and in our churches — we can add this as well:

iv. Anger and malice are also an obstacle to our personal spiritual growth

In 1 Peter 2:1,2, the apostle Peter says:

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation. (1 Peter 2:1–2)

In other words, malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander hinder our spiritual growth.

The same dependence can be observed in the letter of the apostle James. There too, in James 1:19–21, dealing with anger is placed immediately before the receiving of God’s Word, which promotes our spiritual growth.

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:19–21)

Now that we have seen how great and serious the problem of anger is, let us analyze it in order to understand where it comes from.

2. The progression of hostility (Ephesians 4:31)

In Ephesians 4:31, the apostle Paul says:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. (Ephesians 4:31)

Unrighteous anger is anger born of selfishness and bitterness. The evils the apostle Paul lists in this verse have a definite gradation, order, and sequence that correspond to their nature and their expression.

i. bitterness — in Greek «πικρια»

This word means sharpness, bitterness, a bitter taste, acridness. It can also mean poison. The intensity of bitterness can range from the very slightest irritation to suffocating resentment. But it is always characterized by an unwillingness to forgive. Aristotle defined it as a “bitter and resentful spirit that refuses to be reconciled.”

This is the first degree of unrighteous anger — a very slight irritation — as when someone toward whom you have always acted correctly offends or hurts you with some thoughtless act of theirs. If they were to ask you, “Are you angry with me?” you would most likely say, “No!” — but inside your heart you are embittered.

Bitterness is a root sin — like pride, selfishness, and the love of money (1 Timothy 6:10). Root sins are the source of, or “give birth to,” many other sins. If they are not uprooted while still in the bud, they can lead to enormous harm and devastation.

We must remember that the root of anger is bitterness, and the way to deal with it is forgiveness. The remedy for bitterness and malice and all their fruits is forgiveness.

ii. rage — in Greek «θυμος»: the sudden flare-up of people who are “short-fused”

This word paints for us the picture of a dog panting on a hot summer day. If we feel bitterness but do not master it, it can grow and burst out into rage — an outburst of anger, fury, violent emotion, and lack of restraint. Very often the angry words we speak in such a moment do enormous harm to our relationships, and they are words we later bitterly regret.

iii. anger — «οργη»

Anger is more deliberate and premeditated, while rage is more spontaneous. Anger is less aggressive than rage, but at the same time it is far longer-lasting than rage. It contains the sinful satisfaction of making the other person pay for what they have done.

iv. brawling

As a rule, angry speech grows louder and more heated, until we begin to shout. Shouting raises our voice to its highest pitch, to its peak — a yelling that escalates into screaming.

v. slander — «βλασφημια»

It means defamation; evil-speaking; slander; speaking evil of someone; insulting; abusive speech; the kind of speech that degrades another; speaking ill of others, especially behind their backs, and in this way blackening their name and destroying their reputation in society.

Very often, when we do not dare to slander someone to their face, we slander them behind their back. These are not words that build up, but words that tear down — words that also frequently depart from the truth.

vi. malice — «κακια»

It means ill-will that delights in harming another. To feel malice means to harbor a strong hatred in your heart; and not only hatred, but also the desire to hurt the other — and not only the desire, but you would actually do it if the opportunity presented itself.

We must be especially careful. Because the area of bitterness in our lives is an area that we hand over to the power of the devil, and in which he begins to rampage. If we fail to master our bitterness and do not keep it under control, it can bring us to a state of hatred and to the desire to do harm to others.

Can we do it? Can we “be angry without sinning”? Can we refuse to give the devil a foothold?

III. CONTROLLING ANGER

Now that we have seen what unrighteous anger is, let us also turn to the question of controlling it.

We live in a society that treats anger as a force that is completely uncontrollable, driving us to do and say things we are powerless to prevent. “I was angry” has become an acceptable excuse for every cruel and destructive behavior. But our text tells us that we can choose how to respond to angry feelings when they arise within us.

Anger can be controlled! Anger can be mastered!

For example, if we are arguing with someone and the atmosphere heats up — we may even start shouting at each other… And then suddenly the telephone rings. What happens? We are shouting, the phone rings, and then suddenly our tone changes sharply and we say in a gentle voice, “Hello?”

We are capable of mastering our anger — we can control the way we express it.

I am angry — now what?

Let us look into the Word of God and see what counsel God gives us for dealing effectively with anger.

1. Stop! Hold on a moment! Count to ten!

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. (Proverbs 15:18)

Proverbs 16:32

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city. (Proverbs 16:32)

Proverbs 29:11

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. (Proverbs 29:11)

Anger is like a volcano. But like every volcano, anger too, before it erupts, begins to give hidden signals of what is about to follow.

When we begin to grow angry, a series of physiological changes takes place within us:

• A rise in adrenaline (the hormone released during strong emotions);
• A quickened pulse — our heart rate speeds up;
• Flushing — hot waves wash over us and we become agitated;
• Rapid breathing — our breathing quickens and we begin to snort;
• Increased muscle tension;
• Our palms begin to sweat;
• Our chin begins to tremble.

All of these are symptoms that are indicators of anger rising.

Anger is like a volcano ready to erupt. The sooner we sense it rising within us, the more time we will have to decide how to deal with it. In such a tense moment it is very difficult to choose the right reaction toward our own anger. That is why it is very important to stop for a moment. To give ourselves, as they say in sports, a “time out!”

Taking a few seconds, minutes, or in some cases even hours to cool the passions before we give expression to our angry feelings would protect us from doing or saying things — because of the heated atmosphere of the moment — that we would later bitterly regret. In James 1:19 we read:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

When we are angry, we are more inclined to speak than to listen. But God’s Word tells us, “Hold on a moment! Do not be in a hurry to pour out your anger!”

The degree to which we control our tongue shows the degree of our Christian maturity.

There is great truth in the everyday wisdom that when you are angry you should count silently to ten before saying anything at all. This will give you the opportunity to master your anger and to be angry without sinning.

2. Understand the real cause of your anger!

While you have stopped for a moment, use these few seconds to discover what is actually causing your anger.

Anger is not a root sin. It is a fruit sin. Even according to psychologists, anger is not a primary emotion. They call it a “secondary emotion.” And secondary emotions are those that are the result of primary ones, such as being hurt, being upset, bitterness, and fear.

Anger is like a warning signal, like a red light.

It exists for our protection — to alert us, to make us realize that something is wrong and needs to be corrected — to prompt us to action. But it will be useful to us only if we pay attention to it and take the right actions to prevent whatever is provoking it.

So ask yourself the question:

Why am I really angry? What lies behind my anger? What is causing it? What is pouring oil on the fire of my anger? What is fueling it? What is the reason the red light has come on? What is the primary emotion standing behind my anger, the one I need to deal with?

Perhaps it is because I have been:

hurt, insulted, rejected, wronged, frightened, tired; I have lost something; I have been put in an awkward position; something has upset me; I have had an overloaded schedule and things have not turned out the way I planned them…

The causes of our anger can be many. But while we have stopped for a moment, while we are counting to ten, we must try to discover what exactly is causing our anger so that we can react correctly.

3. Take appropriate action!

Sometimes, in certain cases and situations, we become so worked up and agitated that it becomes impossible to calm down. Then our only thought is:

“How can I win this argument?”; “How can I get my way?”; or even “How can I hurt the person in front of me?”

And what we forget to ask ourselves is: “What is my true goal?”; “What do I actually want to achieve?”

If we manage to answer these questions, we will be surprised to find that what we actually want is not to hurt the people who anger us; it is not for everyone to understand how unjustly they have treated us, how uncomfortable we feel, and how important we are.

No! What we as Christians truly want is to handle things in a way that will glorify God and build up His people.

That is why God’s Word tells us (Ephesians 4:26):

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Ephesians 4:26)

This means taking appropriate action before too much time has passed. There is a right action we must carry out when anger rises within us. We must not suppress it, ignore it, or pretend it does not exist. But neither must we allow it to erupt unchecked.

At that moment we must ask ourselves: What does God want us to do? What is the right behavior in this situation? And once we have found the answers to these questions, let us not delay, but begin to act according to them. What we choose to do will be different with each person and in each situation. That is why we need to be led by the Spirit. The right, godly action might be:

• overturning the tables of the money changers — that is, expressing our anger in the right way;
• forgiving just as God in Christ has forgiven us. In 2 Corinthians 2:10,11 we read how well the apostle Paul understood that unforgiveness is a tool for accomplishing the designs of our adversary:

Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven — if there was anything to forgive — I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. (2 Corinthians 2:10–11)

• apologizing for something we said or did that provoked an unpleasant situation;
• starting a conversation — listening, clarifying, and reaching understanding and healing. Often the cause of anger and bitterness lies in a wrong understanding of the intentions of the person opposite us;
• beginning positive change. Anger can lead us to start something new — it can be channeled into a positive, constructive, and building force.

One of the definitions of insanity is that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If we are doing something and it does not produce the desired effect, then the anger within us is simply a signal that something in our actions needs to change!

Conclusion

Our anger can be holy. Not every kind of anger is necessarily sinful. That is why God’s Word tells us, “In your anger…” — be angry! Righteous anger exists.

Unrighteous anger hands situations over into the hands of Satan. That is why we must deal with it. The way to do it is, through forgiveness, to tear the bitterness that gives rise to malice out of our hearts, and instead to clothe ourselves with kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. In Ephesians 4:31–32 it says:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31–32)

When we grow angry, with God’s help we can keep from losing our self-control, master our anger, and so be angry without sinning. How?

1. By stopping for a moment;
2. By understanding the real cause of our anger;
3. By taking appropriate action to master our anger.

May God help us to do it! Amen!