Between a disease-causing virus and the “gossip virus” the following parallels could be drawn:
1. A virus is a microorganism, the cause of an infectious disease.
It cannot be seen with the naked eye, yet it makes the body sick—weak and unable to function. When it invades our body, it strips away our defenses, brings on high fever, vomiting and chills, and can even lead to a fatal end.
Just as a disease-causing virus works on the body, so the “gossip virus” works on the church—it makes her sick, damages our relationships, tears down the trust between us, and creates an unhealthy environment. Perhaps it is for exactly this reason that in His command in Leviticus 19:16 God forbids gossip. There it literally says:
“Do not go about spreading slander among your people.” (Leviticus 19:16)
2. A virus is passed on through personal contact.
When you are near someone who is infected with some virus—the flu, for instance—you can catch it without even noticing.
Gossip is passed on in the same way. Usually not during a worship service, but when believers gather privately during the week. That is when we are tempted to discuss this or that person, and before we realize it we are infected with the “gossip” virus. This is why the apostle James, in 4:11 of his letter, urges us, saying:
“Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.” (James 4:11)
3. When a disease caused by a given virus is confirmed, the sick person is placed under quarantine until healed—to prevent an epidemic from breaking out.
In the same way, gossips in the church should be placed under spiritual quarantine—they should be avoided until they learn to control their tongues. In Proverbs 20:19 the Word of God advises us not to keep company with people who cannot keep a secret.
“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” (Proverbs 20:19)
In order to deal with the “gossip virus,” we must be able to recognize it.
- What is its character?
- What is its fruit?
- What is God’s attitude toward it?
To our joy, the Bible gives us more than enough information on these questions.
THE CHARACTER OF GOSSIP
What is gossip?
Gossip is an interesting, juicy piece of news about someone—not always true, usually compromising to the one it concerns—that is carried from person to person.
The innocent-sounding word “gossip” is not mentioned in the Bible. There it speaks directly of “slander”—a lie by which someone is discredited. Either way, the apostle Paul condemns backbiting, whispering, and talking behind someone’s back. In 2 Corinthians 12:20 he writes:
“For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” (2 Corinthians 12:20)
1. Gossiping is talking about someone, and it involves passing along rumors and unconfirmed secondhand information.
In 2 Samuel 13:30 we read of one such “report”:
“While they were on their way, the report came to David: ‘Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.’” (2 Samuel 13:30)
This, of course, was not true. Absalom had not struck down “all the king’s sons,” but only one of them—Amnon. The reason was that Amnon had violated Absalom’s sister Tamar, and in this case Absalom avenged his sister’s honor. Absalom had in no way struck down all the king’s sons, as the report claimed.
Either way, the news that reached King David is an example of how, despite the speed with which they spread, rumors are all too often wildly exaggerated and untrue. That is why it would be best not to believe them until they have been checked and confirmed.
2. Gossiping twists information, and most often the lie in the slander has to do with the motives of the person who utters it.
In the book of Nehemiah 6:6 we can read part of the letter of Sanballat, who, on the basis of rumors, accuses Nehemiah of rebellion against the emperor:
“It is reported among the nations—and Geshem says it is true—that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt, and therefore you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports you are about to become their king.” (Nehemiah 6:6)
This “report,” of course, was not true, and the reason for these lies was not that Sanballat was so concerned for the security of the empire, but that he wanted to halt the building of the wall of Jerusalem by frightening Nehemiah.
3. Gossiping is a sin to which older women are especially prone.
A humorous song that comes to mind says:
“Good gossip, ah, good gossip—
an effective pill against boredom.
The more nastiness it contains,
the sweeter the joy it brings.”
In his letter to Titus 2:3, the apostle Paul explicitly notes that, in order to accord with sound doctrine, the godly conduct of older women must exclude gossiping:
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers.” (Titus 2:3)
The Greek word for slanderer in this verse is “diabolos.” It means a false accuser; someone who trades in gossip; one who learns the secrets of others and broadcasts them in order to provoke a scandal. This same word is also one of the names of our adversary—the devil. In Revelation 12:10 he is described as “the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night.”
The fact that the word for slanderer and the word for devil are one and the same in Greek should tell us that the one who gossips and slanders takes his stand on the side of God’s adversaries. This is why such a person could not have God’s approval.
Gossip reveals three things about those who share it:
1) A lack of love—we are brothers and sisters, and if we talk behind one another’s backs, we are not sincere and we break God’s command to love one another.
2) The presence of pride—to judge and to backbite our brothers and sisters means to look down on them and to claim for ourselves a position of superiority over them. And we must not forget that “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
3) The absence of the fear of the Lord—when we gossip we turn ourselves into “lawgivers and judges.” In this way we challenge God’s authority and usurp His position as judge over our affairs. In James 4:11-12 it says:
“Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12)
This means that gossiping is equivalent to speaking against God Himself!
THE FRUIT OF GOSSIP
The character of gossip is satanic. What, then, could its fruit be, except discord, division, and spiritual ruin?
When you hear something bad about someone, whether it is true or not, it immediately builds up a prejudice in you against him—it makes you keep “a mental note” about that person. And if, in turn, you say something about him and it reaches him, this can lead to offense, bitterness, and scandal. In Proverbs 16:28 it says:
“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” (Proverbs 16:28)
Notice that here the gossip is called a “perverse person.” This is why we must guard ourselves against him. For breaking off a relationship happens easily, while restoring a ruined friendship and regaining lost trust is almost impossible. This is so because, once we have wounded a person’s dignity and self-respect, he closes in on himself and no longer wishes to be open toward us. In Proverbs 18:19 it says:
“A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.” (Proverbs 18:19)
The bad thing is that gossip can lead not only to the breaking off of friendships, but also to spiritual death. It seems to me that there are more than a few new believers who, disappointed by gossips, have stopped going to church. But even those who have remained in the church know from experience that gossip produces only the death of relationships and spiritual ruin. In keeping with this are the words of Proverbs 18:8:
“The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.” (Proverbs 18:8)
Gossip is “sweet.” People love to listen to it. That is why it will always be around. But the consequences of gossip are terrible. Another translation explains this verse like this: “The words of a gossip are like deadly bites full of poison, which are sweet in the mouth, but their poison spreads at once through the whole body and brings death.”
Gossip is irreversible—you cannot take your words back.
In a small provincial town there lived a man named Patrick. He was a little man, quite careless and reckless, and also a great gossip. His tongue was always itching to spread rumors about this person and that. One day he spread a story about one of his neighbors that turned out to be untrue. When he saw that the slander had harmed his friend, Patrick began to feel pangs of conscience. He went to the local wise man and told him what he had done.
“I have done my friend a great wrong,” said Patrick. “I think about it all the time and repent of what I did. At night I cannot sleep and have no peace in my soul. Please, tell me what to do to right the wrong I so recklessly committed.”
“Well,” the wise man answered, “it is not easy to undo what has already been done. Still, here is my advice. Take a bag of feathers and place one feather on the doorstep of the house of every person you have gossiped about. When you have done this, come back to me and I will tell you what to do next.”
Patrick thought the task was easy to carry out and went off happy. He did what the wise man had told him, and the next day he came back to him again.
“I did what you told me to do,” said Patrick contentedly. “I went all around the town all day and did not miss a single doorstep.”
“Well done!” said the wise man. “Now go back, gather up all the feathers you set out, and bring them to me.”
“But that is impossible!” cried Patrick indignantly, and explained that a strong wind had blown all night and had surely scattered the feathers in every direction.
“Well,” said the wise man, “it is the same with your words. It is easy to spread gossip, but it is impossible to take back what you have already said. A word once spoken is like a stone once thrown. That is why, in the future, you must think very carefully before you say anything about anyone.”
The lives of many people have been shattered by slander or some piece of gossip. That is why we must be very careful about what we say. To repent later may prove useless.
To stop a conflict, the gossip about it must first be stopped. Just as a fire goes out without wood, so a quarrel cannot continue without talk behind people’s backs. In Proverbs 26:20 it says:
“Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.” (Proverbs 26:20)
These are the fruits of gossip—discord, the destruction of friendships, and spiritual devastation. There is a saying that “whispering ruins a house.” I think that if we paraphrase it as “whispering ruins a church,” we will not be wrong. That is why gossips in the church must be placed “under quarantine” and isolated.
THE GOSSIP—UNFAITHFUL AND UNWISE
What we are talking about today is that we must avoid gossips and not be such ourselves. In Proverbs 11:13 it says:
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” (Proverbs 11:13)
From this verse we can conclude that a gossip is an unfaithful person. And we want to be faithful. Therefore we must learn to be discreet and not to broadcast the secrets of our friends.
Besides being unfaithful, the gossip is also unwise. In Proverbs 10:18-19 it says:
“Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool. Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 10:18-19)
In these verses the wise man, inspired by the Holy Spirit, calls the slanderer a fool and the discreet person prudent. Everyone can choose for himself what he wants to be—unfaithful and unwise, or faithful and wise.
GOD’S ATTITUDE TOWARD GOSSIPS
If gossip is so terrible, then what is God’s attitude toward it? Will it go unpunished? God’s categorical and rather severe answer is in Psalm 50:19-21:
“You use your mouth for evil and harness your tongue to deceit. You sit and testify against your brother and slander your own mother’s son. When you did these things and I kept silent, you thought I was exactly like you. But I now arraign you and set my accusations before you.” (Psalm 50:19-21)
People all too often take God’s silence as approval. But God’s patience in no way limits His ability to punish evil. God is holy and just to exactly the same degree that He is gracious. In His time He will rebuke the slanderer and openly judge him. And it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God!
The purpose of these words of God, however, is not to crush us to the ground and destroy us, but on the contrary—to bring us to saving repentance.
HOW SHOULD WE RESPOND TO GOSSIP?
Someone might say: “All right, we have examined the character, the fruit, and the fate of gossip, but what are we to do when it is not we who are talking about others, but they who are talking about us? How should we react to gossip? What are we to do when we are not the ones guilty of committing this sin, but are in the position of those wronged by it? If someone spreads gossip about us, should we respond in the same way?”
I think the answer is found in 1 Peter 3:15-16. There the Word of God reveals to us that the counter to gossip is a clear conscience:
“Keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.” (1 Peter 3:16-17)
Here we find an application of Christ’s principle of not repaying evil, of not taking revenge. As disciples of Christ we are called not to settle scores ourselves, but to leave the situation in the hands of the One who alone has the right to punish. In Romans 12:17-21 it says:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21)
WHAT SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT, IF NOT GOSSIP?
If we must not gossip, then when we gather, what are we to talk about? What should our conversations be like? How, in fact, should a meeting between believers unfold? We can find an answer to this question in the meeting of Moses with his father-in-law Jethro, as it is handed down to us in Exodus 18:5-11. In this passage we can see a model for what our meetings should be.
1. Before we go to visit someone, we should let them know beforehand—and not, like some, barge into our brothers’ homes without regard for their plans and their time. Before he came to Moses, Jethro, even though he was a relative, sent him word of his visit (Exodus 18:5-6).
“Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, together with Moses’ sons and wife, came to him in the wilderness, where he was camped near the mountain of God. Jethro had sent word to him, ‘I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons.’” (Exodus 18:5-6)
Our notice should contain information about when we will come, how many of us there will be, and, if necessary, some additional details as well.
2. We must be kind and courteous to one another. When Moses learned that his father-in-law Jethro was coming to him, he went out to meet him, greeted him, and inquired about his health—how he was doing (Exodus 18:5-7).
“So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. They greeted each other and then went into the tent.” (Exodus 18:7)
3. Once we have begun a conversation, what we should go on to talk about is not the latest gossip, but what the Lord has done in our lives. That is, the conversations of Christians should be filled not with gossip, but with testimonies (Exodus 18:8).
“Moses told his father-in-law about everything the Lord had done to Pharaoh and the Egyptians for Israel’s sake and about all the hardships they had met along the way and how the Lord had saved them.” (Exodus 18:8)
Moses told Jethro the way in which God had worked in his life. This is what we too should share—how the living God has intervened in our lives and how He has been glorified. These are exactly the kinds of topics the conversations of Christians should have. We should share things that would build others up, that would strengthen their faith, and that would give them cause to rejoice and to glorify God.
4. In our meetings there should be praise and worship (Exodus 18:9-11):
“Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things the Lord had done for Israel in rescuing them from the hand of the Egyptians. He said, ‘Praise be to the Lord, who rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians and of Pharaoh, and who rescued the people from the hand of the Egyptians. Now I know that the Lord is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly.’” (Exodus 18:9-11)
Such should be our conversations—not full of destructive gossip, but of encouraging testimonies that produce joy, faith, a better knowledge of the Lord, and praise.
If we follow this model, the “gossip virus” will have no place in our lives, and we will have God’s blessing and approval. Amen!